Panic Attack

So it became time to start reading up on children, you know - all those step by step guides....

Off to the library I went and got some really nice ones. I started reading here and there but last night I really got stuck into them. Learned truck loads and all of a sudden a lot of things made sense and I understood some things better. Then I hit the section about discipline and raising great balanced children.All of a sudden my throat closes and my heart starts beating slowly and heavily and I can not breathe. The mother of all panic attacks!!!!

Reading up and having watched Super Nanny it felt like this mammoth mountain of discipline that I need to conquer. What if I do not remember all the advice, I am renown for my own outbursts, how will I react to her and her`s? I do not want to raise an ax murderer. I want a little girl that will be well behaved and loved by all. I am going to be a full time working mom but the books make it seem like you have to spend all your time with your child to ensure they are happy well balanced kids - well at least till they am 3.

I am overreacting in a big way and I was just as surprised by my panic attack from no where. BUT I shall endeavor to keep a note book and to write down all the advise that I really find useful and by that start to build my own little reference guide. I will start praying now for guidance, patience and insight to be the best mom that I could be. I know I will make mistakes and I pray that she will grant me the space to make them in the same way that I pray to allow her hers and that we will both become gracious enough to accept each other`s faults and that our bond and love will conquer it all.

Hectic melodrama!!!
I shall look back at this one day and giggle.