It is Monday and my weekly spring cleaning day. Over the weekend I had lots of frozen moments. Moments when time just froze and thoughts ran through my mind, fears grabbed my lungs and squeezed tight and moments when my belly flipped and butterflies fluttered to the lullaby in my heart. Today is no different and my thoughts bounced around to the rhythm of the mop:)
In two weeks our lives will never be the same. It is the scariest thought ever! Not that we are not absolutely ecstatic about the wide eyed angel that is about to join us nor that we are not utterly prepared for her arrival. We are going to be handed this stunning little angel, God`s most special flower and we are trusted with the task of raising her to he a confident, intelligent, educated young woman. I am worried if I will be able to keep her alive until then. Will I be the mom that I want to be in my head and heart? Will I avoid the mistakes my parents made? Will I be able to be the same quality parent that my parents still are? Will we bounce back financially from this? Can I cope with my house not being pristine any more? All these questions are swirling around in my mind and heart.
I have a funny feeling that I am not the only person that ever had these fears and thoughts. I am sure that together, Sussie and myself, will learn to respect each other, our efforts and our mistakes. I love her so much already and I want only the very best for her. I pray that God will guide me to raise her balanced, strong and may she have a tremendous sense of humour.
I will not hide that I am also praying that she has Idols singing potential and some athletic talents but that is just this muted giggle in my heart.I trust that the big eyes is a hint that we may have a model on our hands ;D
Oh yes! and that her biological family is petite. I don`t wish amazon proportions on her, ever!
Kobus is not sleeping that well either and I have a suspicion that he is battling the same troubles and fears. I am handing our parenthood over to the man above and I trust that he will always guide us as parents and the 3 of us as a family.
The weirdest thing is finally talking about "my daughter". I am loving it!!!!
2 comments:
Aneli, your feelings are completely normal, I remember feeling exactly the same way before Ava's placement.
The one thing I have learned, in retrospect, is no matter how prepared we think we are for motherhood, nothing can ever actually prepare you for the enormity of the experience.
Enjoy every moment!
Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! So bly vir julle. Dit,is die beste gevoel ooit!
Adele
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